Volume Control

Door Ajar Indicators

It's always the last door you check, no matter which way you start around the car.

Amusement Park Wait Times

The Baguette

My Favorite Part About Elementary School

The Jerk Store Called

My first full color comic (It's a thinker...)

If you're really stumped, hover over the image, then hang your head in shame.

The Evolution of the Toddler Palate

Starburst quality, in graph form

Things That Shouldn't Bother Me

90s Pictograms

I always loved Pictogram Puzzles (or Rebus Puzzles). I also always loved songs from the 90s.

So here are a few Pictogram Puzzles featuring lyrics from 90s songs...

Click on the image to reveal the answer.

The Most Ridiculous Thing I Have Ever Done

When I was younger, I had a big problem when it came to obsessively playing video games that weren't even challenging. I would play seasons of Madden without losing a single game. I would play tennis tournaments without losing a single point. I did this over and over again.

I also had a problem when it came to writing down/keeping stats on all of the games I played, which brings me to my most ridiculous case of wasted time on a video game.

The game was Tony LaRussa's Ultimate Baseball for MS-DOS. The year was 1990-something. I created a "dream team" (yes, Mickey Morandini was on my dream team) and decided I would try to score as many runs as I possibly could, no matter how long it took.

So I turned on the computer, entered the proper DOS commands, and started clacking away at the keyboard.

Four hours and five minutes later, I was done. "Dan's Team" had beaten "New York A" by a score of 291-0. With Randy Johnson as my pitcher, I struck out all 27 batters I faced. I had 261 hits, 40 of which were home runs. I walked 35 times. The box score was a sight to behold.

And luckily for you, I have saved it for all of these years. So here is the sight. Marvel at it. Cherish it. Behold it.

Batman Coloring Book

The most boring coloring book in the world:

6 Ninja Turtle Knockoffs That Actually Existed

Comic book publishers in the 1980s were falling over themselves to capitalize on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle craze. There were knockoffs. There were parodies. There were parodies of the parodies. It was a crazy time when almost every animal you can think of was mutated into a crime fighter. Here are six of the worst (best?) offenders...

6. Cold-Blooded Chameleon Commandos

5. Naive Inter-Dimensional Commando Koalas

4. Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters

3. Pre-Teen Dirty-Gene Kung Fu Kangaroos

2. Mildly Microwaved Pre-pubescent Kung Fu Gophers

1. Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils

Don't Anger the Soda Gods